When All Other Lights Go Out
May we become beacons of light during the dark days to come
In The Lord of the Rings, there’s a scene where Galadriel gives Frodo a Phial of Light as a gift for protection on his journey to Mount Doom. As she gives it to him, she says, “May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out.”
Last week, in the United States of America, all the lights went out.
On Tuesday, November 5th, a majority of Americans voted to re-elect convicted felon Donald J. Trump to become our 47th president. Despite the Democratic party’s attempts to reinvigorate their base by dropping Joe Biden and nominating Vice President Kamala Harris to run for office, DJT won the popular vote and became the president elect once again. It felt a lot like 2016, except this time, we know what a Trump presidency looks like, and we know much more about Trump himself.
But it seems that nothing was going to stop him from recapturing the presidency. Not his 34 felony convictions. Not his blatant narcissism and likely dementia. Not the more than 25 accusations of sexual assault. Not his denying the results of an election or inciting an insurrection. Americans wanted Trump, despite all of the known reasons to abhor him, and Trump is who we’ll get, come January 2025.
When I found out the devastating news, I was on vacation at a gorgeous beachside resort in Aruba with some of my closest friends in the world. We had hatched a plan back in 2023 to take a trip during this election, since we live in a mail-in voting state (thank you, Washington). We figured, regardless of the outcome, it would be more pleasant to spend election day on a beach than stressed out on our couches, glued to our screens. I don’t know that I really thought it would completely remove the stress and anxiety from the situation, but if you’re wondering if the trip soothed the blow…yes? Maybe a bit? But the blow was felt, and I personally spent the morning of the election and all the remaining mornings of the trip throwing up a little bit when I woke up, just from the sheer anxiety of what’s now to come.
I keep cycling through emotions about how this happened, how so many people could vote for this person who is so clearly a many-times-over criminal, especially knowing how his last presidency went. And I guess what’s so devastating about this moment, what makes it even more painful than 2016, is the realization that, this is how much people hate women. Especially black women. Women and black people. People in America REALLY, REALLY HATE women and black people.
I recognize that there were many issues that came up for voters including the economy, the ongoing humanitarian crisis in Palestine (as well as Sudan, Yemen, Congo, etc), immigration, education, and healthcare. But no amount of dissection from pundits about why the Democrats lost this election is going to convince me that the root causes weren’t racism and misogyny. America was founded on colonization and patriarchy. This country was never about liberty and justice for all, and to expect its populace to prioritize those things when the country itself never has is actually kind of crazy, if you really think about.
But so many Americans want to believe that this is not who we are - that there’s some version of America in which it’s truly possible for everyone to be free and equal and blah blah blah. It’s time to face the facts - that America doesn’t exist and it never has. If we want it, we have to make it. And a majority of people don’t want it. A majority of people like it here, just the way it is, and aren’t at all interested in ending racism or the patriarchy.
And I’ve known this for many, many years now. I thought I had come to terms with it by now, but I suppose not, because there’s no other explanation for the way my nervous system went into total fight or flight when the results of November 5th, 2024 came through. It’s a clear and direct message from the majority of white men and women around me - we do not care about you. We do not share your values. We are not on the same team. We do not live in the same country.
Because there are two Americas at this point - maybe more. And from where I’m sitting, it makes less and less sense for all of us to try and coexist when we so clearly do not share the same values.
I have thought that America will be a failed experiment since I was a freshman in high school. It’s not a question of whether we fall apart, in my opinion, but just a matter of how. As someone who’s fascinated by history, I have always believed that, like every superpower out there, America would eventually fall apart and reshape itself. But I never used to really fixate on how that was going to happen.
And now the reshaping is here, and I’m terrified, because the people that a majority of my fellow citizens have chosen to reshape us are more interested in fascism than in liberty and justice for all - a nation’s promise that was always bullshit, if we’re being clear-eyed about things.
If I take a deep breath, I can fall back into sympathy for the people who voted for Trump, because I have to believe that a large percentage of them voted based on one or two issues that are personally important to them, and either don’t know about Project 2025 or don’t believe it’ll really happen.
I can understand that - because we’re also living in two different Americas in terms of the media we consume and the reality we’re exposed to. And, last time Trump was president, there were still some folks in office who respected the traditions of their offices and had some reverence for the constitution and the American promise. Alas - not so anymore. Checks and balances are being removed, and I fear that many Trump voters are going to be shocked and dismayed when they see what’s going to unfold. When that happens, I’ll have to carve out some space in my heart for empathy.
But it’s important not to shy away from the hard facts. A lot of people voted for this because they hate women, or they hate black people, or both. Even if they haven’t fully realized the truth of that yet. Empathy is harder to find for these folks.
I keep asking myself, what now? What do I do with all this anxiety and fear that’s rolling around inside of me? There’s so little I can actually control. As I try to steel myself for this long, dark journey of the soul that is to come, I find myself nearly panicking - where is the light in this darkness? How will I find my way through?
What is my Phial of Light on this journey?
And then I remember. It’s me. I’m the Phial of Light. I’m the vessel that carries the hope forward.
I can control my own health, both mental and physical. I can dedicate myself to my own care, making sure that I’m eating well, sleeping enough and as well as I can, hydrating, attending to various doctors’ appointments while they’re still accessible to me. Moving my body in ways that feel good and also strengthen my muscles and keep me agile. Prioritizing rest. Limiting the time I spend doomscrolling on social media, and being a wise curator of the things I choose to take in during my spare time. Surrounding myself with people who share my values and are committed to liberation for all, not just for our own loved ones. Looking for ways to feel and share joy - one of the biggest acts of resistance we can possible participate in.
If I can do those things, I can continue to show up for my community. I can teach movement and meditation classes for strong bodies and minds. I can offer breathwork and sound healing sessions to give people space to process and clear stuck energy. I can share reiki, channeling the energy of love and using it to promote rest and healing.
Each of us has a choice in this moment - to lie down and let the wave of despair take us out to sea, or to become a Phial of Light in the darkness, taking care of ourselves as best we can so that we can continue to shine, and to offer up our gifts to one another, to our community of brave and like-minded adventurers, as we forge a new path together.
I hope you’ll shine bright.
xoxo,
